Context is everything. It always is. Humans are very quick to judge situations and people before they know and understand the context, which often leads to errant actions. Sadly, I know this from personal experience. I am probably one of those who can jump to a conclusion faster than a bat out of you know where.
In this holiday season, I’m trying to learn to stop before judging, stop before drawing conclusions, and stop before taking actions that I will most certainly regret. The pause will allow me to understand the context and parameters of a situation and perhaps make a connection with another human being before speaking or acting.
Context always has to do with the humanness of a situation. To understand context is to understand the strains, stresses, hurts, injuries, and challenges that another person faces. And that makes all the difference. And it can overcome all our differences.
I was helped in this quest this season by hearing a story that I want to relate to you. For all the polarization that exists between Trumpers and Never-Trumpers, Democrats and Republicans, and Kansas City Chief fans and Minnesota Vikings fans, it is important to realize our common humanity and common challenges as humans. Everyone, in one way or another, has a common experience, needs, and aspirations. All of us! We are all human beings and we all hurt the same way, rejoice for similar reasons, and we all love the same.
This story is poignant and provides a tender look at how we can overcome the over-inflated polarizations that keep us at odds with each other. This story will teach us a lesson about learning the context of another person’s life before jumping to conclusions.
This is a true Christmas story. A story about learning the context of another human being and finding redemption within that understanding.
This is the story of a single man who moved into a duplex in a suburb of a major American city. We’ll call him Richard. The other apartment was above him, so it was a two-story duplex. I lived in one of those at one time and can relate to Richard’s plight. Everything above you becomes part of your awareness, like it or not no matter the time of day or night.
Not long after Richard moved into his new duplex apartment, he heard a constant pound-pound sound from the upstairs apartment. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it had been occasional, which was to be expected. But this was a constant thud and multiple thuds that went on constantly. And it was loud. Richard thought they must be having some sort of Olympic races up there. Were they wrestling? Dribbling a basketball on the floor? Were they playing jump rope?
Richard put up with the noise for a while but grew more and more incensed and angry. Each thud was met with a grimace and scowl on Richard’s face. He couldn’t watch television in peace or eat a quiet meal without interference. After a couple of weeks of constant pounding, running, and high jumping, Richard decided he had to confront the situation.
After all, what kind of person allows this to go on? Who makes such noise with no concern for the person below them? He figured they must be an insolent, disrespectful, and uncaring person with no emotional intelligence whatsoever. After two weeks, Richard had made many harsh judgments about the character of the person or persons living above him.
As Richard climbed the stairs to confront his neighbors, he rehearsed his speech. He knew he needed to be kind but firm and let this person know that he wouldn’t tolerate such disrespect any longer. Richard was the aggrieved person, and he was seeking redress.
He knocked firmly on the door, and soon it opened. Standing before him was a man holding a young child with two other children running through the apartment behind him. The young man’s name was Dave and he seemed to be alone with the three rambunctious children.
Richard began his chiding and firm speech but picked up on a “whisper” in Dave’s soul as he looked him in the eye. There was something sad and melancholy about Dave’s face and expression.
It was at that point that Richard changed his tone and tune. He stopped mid-sentence and paused and then said, “Are you okay?”
Dave just shook his head and said, “No, not really.”
Richard inquired as to what the problem might be, and Dave explained despondently that he had just lost the “love of his life and the mother of his children.” She had died from a stroke recently. Dave was left with the three children to raise on his own.
Context means everything!
Dave and his wife were young and had no savings, so Dave was left to care for the kids on his own. And with the cost of childcare, he didn’t know what he was going to do. As Dave explained a tear came to his eye and the young child kept whining. Dave apologized for the noise and explained that the children were handling their grief with activity and all he knew to do was play with them and encourage their activity.
Context means everything!
For Richard, suddenly, he cared little about the noise that came from the apartment above him. His grievance melted from his memory. He had connected with Dave on a human-to-human level, and a deep well of empathy and compassion rose up within him. With Christmas approaching, Richard posted a video on social media and simply asked for help from his network of friends to find a way to help Dave.
Within a few hours, boxes of gifts and envelopes of money started showing up on his doorstep. It didn’t take very long for Richard’s compassion to multiply throughout his social network. So many boxes of gifts and offerings of money arrived that Richard had to make multiple trips up the stairs to deliver all the goods to Dave over the next several days.
For Dave, these gifts had come from complete strangers. People he didn’t know personally. It was overwhelming to Dave as he expressed gratitude for what he had received. All that he could say is that it was “amazing.”
But for Richard, his whole perspective and interpretation of the situation had been transformed. Now he understood the noise he was hearing from upstairs, and it no longer grated at him or bothered him. He understood the context that his new friend Dave was facing, and he even began to take delight in the sound of running and playing just above his head.
Understanding a person’s context changes everything!
Richard didn’t stop to ask Dave if he was a Republican or Democrat, a Trumper or Never-Trumper, or even who his favorite sports team was. None of that seemed to matter in a situation where Richard touched the life of another human being and made such a connection with him that all that mattered was helping him in any way he could.
I think it is important to understand that the divisions and polarizations that exist within our society, real as they may be, are no match for the connection of two human beings who reach out to understand the other person’s context, life situation, challenges, and needs.
Richard’s story of his changing perspective on the problem is a microcosm of what we can do on a broader scale. This story is the light we need at this point in history. It is the hope that we seek in the stable that holds a newborn baby who represents the divine context that we can all touch within our humanity.
Maybe it is as easy as asking someone, “Are you okay?”
(Note: this story was aired on CBS News Sunday Morning, today, December 24. If you would like to watch the episode you can click HERE.)
Good post Daniel. Such a good point as the moral of the story.